The Story: Smutiversity
The Author: SmutSisters (collaboration between SwedenSara, JillM12 and Netracullen)
The Link: Smutiversity
The Status: WIP
The Rating: M
The Summary: Have you ever tried to write a good lemon? It's not that easy. Plus, reading bad lemons kind of kills the horniness. So, we decided we need to practice our smut. And what better way is there, than to write a fic about writing smut? Rated M for... a lot.
The Review: This story is listed under the "humor" category and oh my goodness, is it ever. Each of the authors takes a turn writing a chapter from their own 'characters' POV. They meet at a class dedicated to learning how to write better smut in your stories. Yep, a whole class about writing lemons. The class is taught by a professor named Edward Hawkins, which sends the female attendees into a tizzy. What makes things even worse is that he looks like the infamous Edward Cullen that they all write about. There are group assignments, homework & private tutor sessions. And yes, there are lots and lots AND LOTS of lemons.
Here's a snippet between two of our girls before the second class begins:
The door opens again and a small knot of people arrive. Most are women and, once again, the hot topic is Edward Hawkins. In fact, I think I hear some of them actually sighing. I roll my eyes. I do not want to give up one evening a week listening to a group of vapid women fawning over the fuck-hot professor. I'm here to learn something. Although, there are worse things to fawn over. He's pretty, that's for sure.
I'm contemplating the finer features of Professor H-for-Hot, when Sara flops into the seat next to mine.
"Uh-huh." She grins, and she has a lively twinkle in her eye.
"So, how was the tutorial?"
"Oh, the tutoring… I don't know what to say, really. I read my chapter to him, which was absolutely mortifying. Then he asked me if it was hard, and I thought he meant Edward's dick in the story. Of course, he was talking about reading it aloud, so I made a complete fool out of myself."
"Oh no. I'd have died of embarrassment."
"Then he basically told me how to get myself off and write it down for him, so that's what I did. Oh, and he gave me his email address in case I needed to ask him anything. Which I did. Plenty of times."
"You mean you actually emailed him?"
"Yes I did! There I was, on the bed, trying to find out a way to get started. Of course I was totally frigid, just because I needed to get this done. I thought, what the hell, I'll just email him. I mean, he told me to, right? So I did, and he asked me about my fantasies, what I usually think about when I'm about to – you know. And I kind of told him… God, I'm embarrassed by that now. I told him my fantasies, for fucks sake! How stupid am I?"
"Whoa, sharing your fantasies with Professor Hotty... most of the women in class would kill to do that!"
"Yeah, well, doing it nearly killed me instead... Anyway, when he answered, he suggested some porn or erotic novels, maybe my favourite smutty fic. And I figured, what better way is there than Robporn, you know? So I browsed my Robporn file, went through some favourite pics: GQ-Rob, VF-Rob, oh, and the ones from that Japanese shoot where he has the vest and the baggy pants? Gaaah, and the leather jacket pictures, and the ripped t-shirt, oh my god… You know how you get all horny from watching those, right?"
This story is hilarious. It's a nice break from all the dark and twisty choices I usually make. While it isn't a normal Twilight offering, it's well worth the read. Besides, we're all really here for Edward and the lemons, right? I'd highly suggest keeping two pairs of panties handy. One for all the lemons and one for when you're laughing so hard you pee your pants. Enjoy!